OCD?

Let's talk about obsession.

An obsession is one of those things that I can't seem to get out of my head. It follows me everywhere I go. Something that my brain, which has been trained to analyze and relate, connects with every sound that I hear, scent that I smell, image that I see. Obsession is that song that I can't get out of my head, that jittery over excited feeling of a crush, and that desire to fully immerse myself in whatever I am obsessing over.

For example, there is this song. I can't get it out of my head. I can't listen to it loud enough. I wish that there was a pool of this song that I could jump into and for those 3 minutes and 37 seconds, I could forget myself and exist within those beautiful melodies.

But instead I wander around my house, earbud in one ear, bobbing my head up and down and lip syncing. Needless to say I've gotten some pretty strange looks from the family (I'm home for Christmas break).

One of the most frustrating parts of an obsession, besides the sheer annoyance of feeling like there is something else controlling my thoughts, is that there is no relief. I want whatever I am obsessing about so much that it almost hurts. And no matter how much I listen to that song, or watch that show, etc., it doesn't make things better. I get excited, I feel happy, and then I'm back in that place of wanting more.

Obsessions make my life more exciting. They give me something to focus on and something to look forward to. But at the same time, they keep me chained in one place for too long. They prevent me from focusing on things that really matter, and enjoying moments in my life that have nothing to do with the object of my attention.

AGW