Something kind of cool...

So, I've been feeling extremely overwhelmed for a while, because I couldn't seem to make myself do homework. It was a lot like when I was writing my research paper, and honestly that event was so incredibly painful that I absolutely fear getting into that situation again, but at the same time I'm so terrified that I won't be able to avoid it. I've literally been feeling that it was out of my control, and that there was no way to motivate myself and make me do my work.

That is.. until last night. Last night I half realized and half decided that my life and my actions are under my control, and that I can't let anything else control my life (like TV shows or audiobooks, or the fear of not getting something done). I think this is the first time that I've taken a truly positive approach to a situation like this. Last night I decided that from here on out, one day at a time, I'm going to take back that control - thereby taking care of myself, and ensuring that I don't get so overwhelmed in the future. It has also given me an opportunity to avoid that self doubt that so often makes me procrastinate. I keep reminding myself that I have the ability to do what I need to do, and to do it well. I guess it's practicing self love, which my life has seriously been lacking. So what I did last night is I wrote "CONTROL" on the back of my hand, tied my hamsa necklace around my wrist (I decided I needed a physical and daily reminder, and I've been wearing my cross/star necklace - it actually looks pretty cool as a bracelet), and have decided to reclaim control over my life. Not in an obsessive rule keeping way - I'm pretty much avoiding rules - but in a "I'm not going to let fear or whatever it is that causes me to procrastinate control my life. I am the boss." I say this because "control" can definitely have some negative connotations, but here it is all about the love.

So anyway, today, for the first time in a long time, I worked. And I really enjoyed it. I got to do some research/reading for my history paper, and it was so fun. I was really excited while reading about one of my favorite historical topics, and the margins of my book are now lined with comments and notes. I even let myself take a little breather after lunch before diving right in, and I took a short little siesta in the middle.

I'm so proud of what I did today. And I don't feel like I worked at all today - instead of feeling drained and overwhelmed, I feel light and care free. Ready for tomorrow.

Mass Animal Deaths, Harry Potter, and New Computers

Some of you have probably heard in the news or online about the mass animal deaths that have been recorded in different parts of the world over the past couple of days.

From 3,000 red-winged black birds in Beebe, Arkansas to 80-100,000 fish washing up on the shores of Arkansas River 125 miles away. This may make you think that it would be best to avoid going to Arkansas, but mass deaths have been reported all over the globe. Some are calling it the “Aflockolypse.” Some reported deaths are in the tens or hundreds, but then you have 40,000 crabs washing up on England’s shores.

But events such as these are raising bigger questions. Could this be the beginning stages of the apocalypse? Or, possibly (and more realistically), do we simply have faster and more advanced methods of spreading information? Could these deaths be related, or will they all soon be explained away by science? Either way, it’s strange to hear about, and while I’m definitely not one to worry about the end times, seeing this in the news does make me wonder, what is going on?!

On a completely separate note, I went to the Harry Potter Exhibit today! Now I’ve been a big fan of the books ever since they started coming out when I was in elementary school. I also spend a lot of my free time listening to them on tape – Jim Dale is a god! But I really can’t seem to get very enthusiastic about the movies. When I read a book, I get a clear picture of the characters and the scenery in my head. While watching the movies, I can’t help but think ‘WRONG! That didn’t look like that!” or “Wait, what?! That’s not how that happened.” So I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel about the exhibit.

As it turned out, I had a blast! I got sorted by the Sorting Hat (I’m a Ravenclaw for any of you who are interested), I got to throw a quaffle, and I got to pull some mandrakes out of their pots! The costumes and set pieces that I saw were amazing. I felt like a kid again, walking through the halls of Hogwarts itself. The gift shop had a lot of great things to look at too, though Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff were a little under represented. I ended up getting a fun pack of stickers, but I have my eye on Serius Black’s wand. I’ll definitely be ordering that online in the near future.

Speaking of HP, though not exactly Harry Pott, I got a new HP computer yesterday, and I am loving it! My old one wasn’t doing so well, and I wanted to make sure that I had a reliable computer while abroad. It’s been fun playing with it for the last few days.

Also, I've started video blogging! My YouTube channel can be found here. My next video will hopefully be posted in time to meet my Friday deadline. I leave on Wednesday morning for Spain, and get there Thursday, so things might be a little hectic. I’ll try to throw some travel footage in there. Next time you see me, I’ll be in Spain! ¡Hasta luego!